EXPLOSIONS!
by ajpa
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen had Mr. Torgue been relocated to Fuyuki City and was a participant in the Holy Grail War? Well, stop wondering now because you can read about it, and if you haven't wondered before, shame on you! Will contain multiple versions of how things can go. A Borderlands 2, Warhammer 40K and Fate Stay/Night Xover.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Mister Torgue High-Five Flexington was a very unusual kid. As one of the two survivors of the Fuyuki City Fire (the other being Shirou Emiya), Mister Torgue was an orphan and a ward of the state. He lived alone by himself in a one room but slightly big apartment, and he had a part-time job as a janitor in the local chemical plant, handling highly volatile and explosive chemicals. It helped that he was very knowledgeable about them and he looked old, and also pulled the orphan card to get the job.

At Fuyuki City Highschool, Mister Torgue was known around locally for two things: his very strange looks, what with facial hair and pectoral muscles and large frame and weird hair style, and his love for explosions. Mister Torgue was not the the brightest student around (nor the sanest), but he certainly was the loudest, flashiest and insanely obsessed with explosives. Almost any chemical experiment he was involved in would result in explosions, even when all the instructions were followed to the letter and with a teacher supervising him. He was also very good at English, and one Fujimura-sensei would find herself baffled how a person managed to write a very passionate poem about explosions.

What Fujimura-sensei (or Taiga as she was known to another of her student), was that Mister Torgue was a very valuable 'consultant' with the Fujimura Yakuza group. Of course, the group also didn't know he was a student, because he didn't look like a student, or at least looked a 'Yankee'. What he did for them was anything possible with explosives. Some cleverly planted explosives on Fujimura territory by a rival group? No problem, Mister Torgue was there to disarm them, and then he'd take them with him, while a couple of days later there would be news of unknown fireworks. The Fujimura group needed to act as middlemen for some explosives trade? No problem, Mister Torgue could be counted on to check quality, and explode the bad ones (although to him there were no 'bad ones', there was simply explosions, and more explosions).

As time went on, Mister Torgue grew richer from his ventures into the explosive world of handling explosives for the Yakuza, he grew a mustache, he had abs, he got promoted in his semi-legit job, and his grades maintained themselves, except his chemistry class had a new rule: do not let Mister Torgue do ANY chemical experiments. Physics and biology experiments were still somewhat acceptable.

What other people didn't know was that, by some strange, twisted strand of luck, Mister Torgue had somehow managed to learn the arts of magic, becoming a magic user. Of course, he also didn't know jack about the Clock Tower or Mage's Association, or that there were other magi in the land. All he knew, was that his desire for explosions was so strong, so passionate, that he one day he felt some pain (it's a great pain, but this is Mister Torgue, a very manly man), and then he could have explosions at will while feeling some sort of 'tiredness'. Of course, this some pain later resulted in him getting some burns and broken body parts since he was in his workshop tinkering with explosives stuff. Luckily for him, all evidence of these illegal experiments was erased even as the neighbors called for the emergency services to put out the fires and rescue the trapped orphan. Coincidentally, there was some scare of terrorist bombings when there was sudden increase of explosions in the hospital, albeit not so big ones.

In the time since then, Mister Torgue had only grown bigger, taller, tougher, hairer. And his expertise with explosions was to the point that somehow he managed to build a working bolter straight out of his favorite table-RPG game, Warhammer 40K (and he always played Space Marines, and always used bolters). It was so impressive that Fujimura Raiga even asked Mister Torgue to build him one. Suffice to say, Taiga certainly had a shock when she found her grandfather gleefully blasting car wrecks to pieces.

Time went on like this. Shirou fixed things and earned the moniker of the Fake Janitor, Tohsaka Rin carried on with her fake school idol persona, Issei continued disliking her a lot while hanging out with Shirou, Shinji continued to torment Sakura, Sakura continued developing a crush on Shirou with the occasional yandere tendencies. But it was all about to change, as the Holy Grail War was soon to start. And things will never be the same, with Mister Torgue participating in it….

AN: Well, this was something I had thought of very recently: a 40K, FSN and BDL2 Xover. And since I love Torgue weapons…well, suffice to say it should be interesting. R&R too, and if u spot any Natsu canon errors, let me know and I'll deliberate whether to fix it or not.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: So, it seems that there is very little interest in this story, what with only 2 reviews. At least there was a review. So reviewer, if u review this chapter too, u can send me a request, and I'll see whether I can fulfill it or not. Oh, and this story is going to be crack, I don't either IP, and there will be two routes for this, and they are COMPLETELY SEPARATE. Yes, my dear readers, u get to read two different versions of a half-same story.

Tohsaka Rin was having an ambiguous time. On one hand, she had managed to make sure she was in the running for the second deadliest competition on earth (the deadliest goes to the 2014 Eurovision between Russia and Ukraine). On the other, well, she had to deal with this shit:

"Well well, to be summoned by such a master. I see that our hopes for winning this war is not that high eh?" Rin's servant said.

"Servant, what Heroic Spirit are you, what is your class?"

"Well my dear cute little master, since you somehow fucked up this summoning, I don't remember who I am, although I am an Archer-class servant. By the way, congratulations on fucking up the summoning, and destroying your house."

Yes, Rin was mighty pissed indeed. Let's pray for Archer and hopes he recovers from Rin's Tsundere power-up by the time he finds our protagonist...a curious case of whether it is one Mister Torgue Hi-Five Flexington, or one Emiya 'I wna be a superhero HENSHIN' Shirou. Or maybe one Matou/Makiri 'I am a creepy as fuck old BAMF dude' Zouken? Disregard the last selection. (Although Shirou summoning a Kamen Rider for a Servant is a worthy idea indeed…I smell a new story….)

ACME, Inc., the company that Mister Torgue worked as a janitor for, was currently having a blast. Sales of their mining explosives had gone up dramatically, making up for lost revenue from their anvil production. Thus, they were holding an employee part to celebrate this occasion, and Mister Torgue, along with all the other employees of ACME, Inc., was invited to participate.

There was champagne, caviar, foie gras, sushi, sashimi, tempura, and a whole lot of other food. Mister Torgue partook all of them without any side effects, due to his manliness. There was also karaoke, and Mister Torgue demonstrated just why his voice was bleeped out in Pandora when he managed to twist almost every song into some form of swearing, and strangely enough, the result was like the lovechild of Victor Frankenstein and Albert Einstein: it shouldn't be good, but it was.

Anyways, the party finished, and Mister Torgue headed to his school to pick up his Chemistry homework which he had forgotten because he had immediately set off to the party scant moments after school ended.

Walking into the school, and being Torgue, Mister Torgue uttered the words of surprise:

"Holy shit, what the fuck, why the fuck are there two men in weird ass clothing fighting each other?! That is fucking cool!"

The first to turn their head was Archer.

"That voice…it can't be?! Mister Torgue Hi-Five Flexington?!" He exclaimed.

"That's right, I'm Mister Torgue Hi-Five Flexington, at your service! If you need any explosions, feel free to tell me! EXPLOSIONS!"

"You…die you bastard!" With that said, Archer ignored the bemused Lancer and charged straight at Mister Torgue, while whining all the way.

"It's because of you and your Torgue Corporation, that so many people get killed; every war I've fought in all had your weapons in it, and I can't even really fucking defend against them because they are fucking explosives! DIE YOU BASTARD!"

"Trying to kill me? You're not the first! EAT EXPLOSIONS MOTHERFUCKERS!"

With Mister Torgue's line, the whole was blinded in a bright flash and loud noises. When the dust cleared, things became clearer:

Archer was lying on the ground some distance away from Mister Torgue, with blood on his face, his white hair stained red (ironically making him look like Shirou), and his arm bent at an odd angle. Rin and Shirou were lying on the ground with dazed expressions on their faces, while Lancer was the only one remaining standing.

"Damn kid, that's impressive. Tch, looks like we'll have to continue this on another day, my coward of a Master is calling me back. Catch you later kid." With that said, Lancer jumped away and vanished into the night.

Meanwhile, Archer had recovered, with a shocked expression and a look of rage on his face, producing a look that indicated that he'd like to kill Mister Torgue even more if possible, before making good on that look by charging at Mister Torgue, swords in hands.

"Archer, by the power of the Command Seal, I order you to stop killing Mister Torgue!"

With that said, Archer froze stiff at the sudden command, before falling into an indiginified heap at Mister Torgue's feet due to his momentum.

"Oh hey Rin, fancy meeting you here. What are you doing?"

"Tohsaka, what is going on?" came an unexpected voice from an unexpected direction.

"Emiya-kun?! What are you still doing here at this time?" Rin stammered out while recovering from the sight of her more-than-friend-but-less-than-crush standing there while holding a rusted pipe (like the one from Sonny 2; seriously, check out that game).

"I was fixing some stuff, but what's going on? Why are magi fighting? Who was that? And Mister Torgue, you're a magus too?"

And we'll end this here for now before y'all wait too much. Please review, REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE FASTER. SERIOUSLY, OTHERWISE I'LL JUST GO KILL ANGEL IN BDL2. SO REVIEWWWWWWWWW. OR I'LL TORGUE YOUR FACE.


	3. Chapter 3

So, nobody bothered to review at all. Made me very unmotivated to write, and also forgot about it for some time. Now I have to do more story planning. Thanks a lot, people.

"What do you mean too? You mean you're a Magus too?! And you, Mister Torgue?! The both of you are Magi?! Don't you two know you're supposed to inform me?! I'm the Second Owner of Fuyuki City!"

"What's a Second Owner?" chorused Mister Torgue and Shirou.

"What's a…nevermind, you asking me this probably means that you have no idea of the norms of Magi." Rin sighed. "I'll see the two of you tomorrow, for now, just go home. I'll explain everything at school tomorrow, it's getting late now and I need to sleep."

"Alright Tohsaka, I'll hold you to that" Shirou said. "C'mon, Mister Torgue, I'll patch you up at my house, and I can make you something to eat."

Mister Torgue, having come from Pandora, obviously learnt the value of mooching of others (like mooching off Lvl.72 in a game of Lvl.31) and happily went along for a free pre-midnight, after-dinner meal.

"Alright, see you tomorrow Rin." He waved cheerily, while Rin was staring at the two of them grumpily, before turning around and walking after them to the exit and then in the opposite direction back to her house. "Come along Archer. You and I are going to have a looooong talk about proper actions."

"Yes, Rin." Archer sighed. He didn't know whether to curse or be happy- on one end, he had managed to be summoned to the world that he came from, or was very similar to his, on the other hand, he had to meet Mister Torgue. And that guy was the root cause of half the world's explosions (the other half was the USA- using Torgue Corporation explosives)!

Meanwhile, Shirou was explaining to Mister Torgue what he knew of Magic.

"So, as my father taught me, there are many branches of magic, like Alchemy, Runes, and a lot more that I don't know. However, what I use is basically only Reinforcement and Projection- I can reinforce stuff to make them better and I can project stuff, like this."

With that said, Mister Torgue finally witnessed the first true act of magic (earlier was just a bunch of dudes fighting around at high speeds without obvious signs of magic): Emiya Shirou picking up a glass bottle from a nearby trash can and holding it for a bit before letting it drop to the ground, where it didn't break, but just rolled around for a bit.

"Bah, boooooring! THIS IS MAGIC! YOU SHOULD BE BLOWING THINGS UP! LIKE THIS!" With that said, Mister Torgue cocked his hand into the shape of a gun, before firing it. The trash heap exploded with a loud bang!, showering the two in trash.

"SEE?! LIKE THIS! EXPLOSIONS! LIGHTS! THAT'S MAGIC!"

"What on earth is going here?! Who the hell made that ungodly noise at this time?!" A loud voice that seemed to belong to an old woman rang out from one of the houses, with many houses soon turning on lights.

"Ah crap, let's go quickly Mister Torgue." Shirou grabbed Mister Torgue's hand before running away to his home at the same speed a Vault Hunter runs to purple loot.

Since they were already near Shirou's home, the extra speed served to make sure that they arrived in less than 1 minute. The moment they were in, Mister Torgue collapsed to the floor with a giant smile on his face.

"I sincerely think that that was FUCKING AWESOME!"

"Oh, thank you, Mister Torgue. Would you like some tea or some water?" Shirou asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"TEA IS FOR SISSIES! PURE WATER IS FOR REAL MEN!" Mister Torgue expressed his opinion in a very Torgue-like manner.

BOOM! The floor shook, the ceiling collapsed and the kitchen lights flickered. When the dust cleared, it was revealed to be Lancer standing there, holding his long, red, hard, hot spear up…the weapon, not the other thing, you dirty-minded readers.

"Hey kids, sorry for coming in like this, but I gotta kill you. No witnesses ya'know. It's a secret war between magicians only." Lancer apologized in a very non-apologetic manner.

Next time:

"In accordance with the Holy Grail War, I, Servant Saber, have heard your summons and have come to serve. I ask of you, are you my master?"

"I am Severus of Tarentus, Dreadnought of the Ultramarines. I have come forth to destroy this unholy artifact. Will you cooperate?"


	4. Chapter 4

AN: You know, it'd be really really much faster for u to get updates if u reviewed. Seriously.

"Hey kids, sorry for coming in like this, but I gotta kill you. No witnesses ya'know. It's a secret war between magicians only." Lancer apologized in a very non-apologetic manner, before trying to shove his long, red, hard, hot spear™ into Shirou's chest. Keyword being tried, as with a loud and mighty BOOM!, Mister Torgue High-Five Flexington arrived in the kitchen, and then proceeded to LIFT Lancer up before SUPLEXING HIM, while wearing a bolo tie!

When Lancer landed on the floor, he attempted to flip himself up, only to be used like a jackhammer via being smashed even further into the ground, courtesy of Mister Torgue's explosion-enhanced punch.

"I AM MISTER TORGUE HIGH-FIVE FLEXINGTON MOTHERFUCKERS!" With that line said, Mister Torgue felt even more empowered, the drain he associated with producing his explosions lessening, while at the same time he felt as if he had even more energy.

Also, as Mister Torgue got stronger, Lancer got even more…excited…about the fight. I'm not saying Lancer is a masochist, but well…. Anyways, as his head was smashed even deeper into the ground, Lancer felt that as soon as he recovered from the knockback and stun-lock effects he felt, he was definitely upping the ante of the fight, if not from his own enjoyment then from the screaming in his head.

' _LANCER! I FUCKING ORDER YOU TO USE YOUR RUNES AND KILL THOSE TWO FUCKERS! THEY'RE TOO DANGEROUS TO BE LEFT ALIVE!'_ Bazette screamed at him.

' _Yea yea, alright, I'll activate my runes. Chill girl.'_ He replied before ignoring her screaming. Seriously, couldn't his Master see that this was very enjoyable. Why, it was quite comparable to the time he had sex with Aife…alright, I take it back, he's a masochist.

Meanwhile, Shirou had sufficiently recovered his mental faculties to persuade Mister Torgue to run with him to his shed- excuse me, I meant workshop, piss-poor one as it is, in the hopes of doing something…magicky…enough to stop Lancer; of course the two had a very differing opinion on what stop entailed, Shirou thought of talking and incapicating, while Mister Torgue simply wanted his favorite gun SWORDSPLOSION! to shoot Lancer in the face.

However, just as they reached the shed, Lancer had also burst in into the shed, resulting in a sort of comically deadly Mexican standoff except there wasn't that much space to do the standoff.

'No, it can't end like this. I haven't become a hero yet, I want to live!' Shirou thought in his mind.

'I'm going to SWORDSPLOSION! that fucker in the face!' Mister Torgue thought in his mind.

Then, a glowing circle underneath their feet appeared, before a blinding light appeared, blinding everyone except Lancer. When the light died down, two new figures were standing on the circle.

"In accordance with the Holy Grail War, I, Servant Saber, have heard your summons and have come to serve. I ask of you, are you my master?"

"I am Severus of Tarentus, Dreadnought of the Ultramarines. I have come forth to eradicate all evil. Will you cooperate?"

The two voices would have been a weird chorus if not for two facts: when Severus appeared, the roof got a rapid and unprecedented expansion, before vanishing due to it being broken in two. Additionally, his voice was very loud and low, like a rumble before a thunderstorm combined with standing directly in front of the loudest stereos in a rock concert. Suffice to say, nobody heard anything except him, and poor Lancer was clutching his ears due to his extra-sensitive hearing, while Saber had turned around to view the source of the voice, which was revealed to be a strange, metallic…thing.

The thing, for there was no word that could describe it accurately, was an armored, bipedal walker, bristling with modern weaponry. Not a very fitting contender for the title of 'Heroic Spirit of Old'.

Looking at it, Saber was reminded of Kiritsugu's weapons, which bore a passing resemblance to it- in the sense that a Ferrari and a Tank was similar.

"Shit…what the fuck is that thing?!" Lancer was starting to panic. And for good reason, for Severus had turned towards Lancer, and started firing his Accelerator Autocannon and his twin-linked Heavy Bolters. Suffice to say, Lancer had to run away, what with the heavy-caliber bullets that also exploded trying to reduce him to blood and gore, shouting "This is unfair!"

Omake:

BOOM! The big explosion from the summoning circle would herald the arrival of Mister Torgue's servant…the Bomber-Class Servant, Tsar Bomba.

"I AM TSAR BOMBA, OF THE BOMBER CLASS. LET'S BLOW SHIT UP."

"FUCK YES! EXPLODE TO DEATH MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Omake part 2:

Then, a glowing circle underneath their feet appeared, before a blinding light appeared, blinding everyone except Lancer. When the light died down, two new figures were standing on the circle.

Or that was what should happen. What happened instead was that while one light died down to reveal a cute, petite blonde girl wearing an armored dress, the other light continued to expand in size, going through the roof (while destroying it in the process), and then going up, while rapidly expanding in size, forcing everyone to evacuate, even as it continued to grow in size.

Soon enough, the pillar of light slowly faded away…to reveal an Imperator Titan. Standing at over 50 meters, it was a majestic sight to behold, even as it trained its guns on the puny little humans below it…

"I AM EXEMPLIS, IMPERATOR TITAN OF THE LEGIO IGNATUM TITAN LEGION. IN THE NAME OF THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND, I AM HERE TO GRANT YOU SALVATION FROM YOUR HERETICAL WAYS."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

When Lancer was far away enough for Severus' accuracy to diminish somewhat, he stopped firing and started the conversation.

"So, which one of you summoned me?" He rumbled in gentle manner.

"I DID! THERE'S NO WAY I COULDN'T SUMMON ANYTHING ELSE BUT RAPID-FIRE EXPLOSIVE MACHINEGUNS!" Mister Torgue seemed to have achieved Torgue-gasm.

"So it seems that you have summoned me…?"

"Ah, I'm Shirou. Emiya Shirou." Shirou replied to Saber.

"And I'm Mister Torgue High-Five Flexington." Mister Torgue introduced himself to Severus.

"I am Servant Saber, here to fight beside you in this Holy Grail War master." said Saber to Shirou.

"You may call me Severus of the Ultramarines. I am here to stop evil from spreading its roots even further. It is my hope that you shall assist me in this." Severus rumbled.

"I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY. YOU'RE FUCKING AWESOME! LOOK AT THOSE GUNS!" Mister Torgue roared out in ecstasy.

"Master, are you allied with this other Master?" Saber asked Shirou.

"Uh, um, yeah Saber, Mister Torgue is my friend. Also, please just call me Shirou, no need to call me Master." Shirou managed to stammer to Saber.

"Shirou, I'll see you tomorrow. I need to know what Severus can do, so we'll go now, bye!" With that said, Mr. Torgue rushed out through the hole in the walls of Shirou's house, while his Servant followed him after throwing a farewell to Shirou and Saber.

After running to the junkyard, which was even less lightly guarded if possible, Mister Torgue turned to Severus, and could no longer contain himself.

"YOU'RE FUCKING AWESOME! LIKE, SUPER-DUPER-FUCKING-AWESOME! GUNS! EXPLOSIONS!" Mister Torgue let out.

"Young one, you seem much enthused about my armaments. Let me demonstrate it to you." Severus stated to Mister Torgue before striding forth to position himself a distance away from the pile of scrap, before raising his right arm.

To Mister Torgue, he was in heaven right now. Or, to rephrase it better, he felt right at home. He felt that this was what he was born for, the carnage and destruction that this event would bring. He felt as if he were in a campaign of carnage, of destruction, especially so as he watched Severus' weapons come to life.

The barrel of whatever gun Severus had on his? its? right hand began to glow with a light so bright that for a moment the night sky turned into day, before the transient daylight turned into a blinding flash that illuminated all so far and blinded Mister Torgue temporarily. When his eyes regained their sight, he was shocked at the state of the land- with sizzling heat in the air, he could feel his heart beating, the blood rushing around, a dull, chronic thumping sound as his fight or flight instincts roared to life, in awe to the power displayed.

Where there used to be a whole pile of crushed, compacted and the occasional rusted cars lied glowing pools of molten metal- for 30 meters. Severus' weapons appeared to be some kind of high-powered anti-armor weaponry, probably laser or plasma-based, given the blinding light it emitted, he noted absently, even as he observed Severus' arm-gun's barrel glowed red hot, and steam arose from the weapon merely from the contact between the cool night air and the heated metal.

For the first time in his life, Mister Torgue failed to utter any sound, his respect, shock and disbelief for the sheer destructiveness. Even in his strange dreams of a planet filled with blood, bandits and guns and explosions, the destructiveness never came close to this. Even in all the movies with explosions he had watched, they never came close to this. This went beyond explosions, this was about destructiveness.

"That is the power of my twin-linked Lascannons, a laser-based weapons designed for penetrating heavy armor, whether of the foul Tyranids, or of the Traitor Marines' heretical vehicles. And this, is my twin-linked Storm Bolter." Severus rumbled.

The sound of the hissing steam was rapidly drowned out the explosive noise from the other arm. This time though, Mister Torgue could actually see havoc the armament was causing, as he witnessed the weapon unleash a hail of bullets in a focused area, green acid splashing out and hissing as they ate away at whatever they came into contact with.

"These are holy armaments that the God-Emperor of Mankind, our Lord and Savior, bestowed upon me, a warrior whose body is great and mind even greater. With the help of this sacred Dreadnought shell, I have been able to battle and eradicate the many enemies of the Imperium of Man. However, my work is not yet done, and by his Grace, I have been sent here to stop evil that threatens mankind once more. I ask you of you , Mister Torgue High-Five Flexington, will you work with me to stop this threat of Angra Mainyu, All the World's Evils, once and for all?" Severus said to Mister Torgue, his large frame casting a shadow on Mister Torgue as the hydraulic pistons pushed his height even higher, blocking out the light of the moon.


End file.
